Venting

When I gave birth to Wyatt I had to things I was determined to accomplish.

1.Have an unmedicated birth, if at all possible.
2.Give Wyatt the gift of nursing him for that first year.

Both of these I accomplished without much ado.

So why, why, is my determination waning so much with Miss Cici. I birthed her without any medication, but during labor I had a moment of "I don't think I can do this again!" I did not verbalize this out loud, but man I felt it. I know that's pretty normal. We are also headed toward the end of week 6 with my girl, and my determination to nurse her is also waning.

I realize its probably because I have all the kids home for the summer, and lets face it its downright hectic around here. I feel like my children are doing things without any supervision from their usually on top of it mother. I feel chained to the couch cushion, which I hate. I would rather be cleaning(okay not really, but there's so much that needs done) or outside putzing in my garden. But alas Cici's nursing schedule is still far from regulated. She has to change things up on me regularly, like a good baby usually does.

On the flip side, I can't imagine making bottles either. I think formula is just fine. Four of my children are testaments to this. But if I can nurse, shouldn't I. I feel very selfish because I want to be able to head to the grocery store without Cici. Its quite an ordeal to go to the store. I want to be able to go socialize without having to excuse myself to go nurse.

No firm decisions have been made, just getting it off my chest.